ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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