my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
