I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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