Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
