Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
