Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
