you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
