I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
