her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
