My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize