its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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