6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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