You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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