when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They took my balls.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
