I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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