Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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