it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
