so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
