If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
