can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
