We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
