I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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