she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
