i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
