Your dad touched me again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
