Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
