I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
