When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
