Having a random hookup so left but love u
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
