Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
