walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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