if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
