sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
