I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
