If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We have started to decorate penises.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
