and you said cock pushups were impossible
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
