Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
