If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
