Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
