I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
