Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
