I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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