your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
