I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My liver just had a heart attack.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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