That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
