I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
