So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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