The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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