Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize
