I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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