i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So squirting runs in the family.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
