the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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