i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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